Steven Skelley is a journalist, photographer, author, singer, songwriter - all in spite of being legally disabled. Instead of focusing on his disability, he chooses to focus on the positive and to experience and share the beauty of the world through his writing, music and photography.
Tough weekend - I fainted for no reason. I went to the hospital Emergency Room on Sunday. On Wednesday, a Cardiologist scheduled me for a procedure on Friday!
I was awake as the surgeon's tool entered an artery in my wrist then traveled all the way to inside my heart. The results - aorta heart valve failure.
I'll have another test this week and then will be scheduled for heart surgery. One possibility is to install a mechanical heart valve. The other possibility is open heart surgery.
Pawpaw loves you.
P.S. I contacted your Mom but received no response.
I wanted you guys to see that your parents and I had many loving years together. We all were happy together. I'm sorry that their new religion and politics caused them to disown us and ban us from seeing you or even sending you birthday or Christmas gifts. For some reason, 2021 would be the end even after she posted this about me being the best daddy and Pawpaw. I'll never understand.
I miss you all. So much love and life together was senselessly thrown away.
If you ever find my messages, please try to contact me. You will always be my buddy-pals.
Connor and Bryson, do you remember this? You both are in it in this pic.
Your Mom told me that she'd like a way to store all your stuffed animals. I searched for designs online but couldn't find what I wanted so I designed this. Tom helped me build it for you two. I bought the zoo sign because I thought it was perfect for assorted stuff animals.
The funniest part was, after your Mom and I filled it to the top with your stuffed animals, you two took them all out so that you could sit in it!
Pawpaw loves you and misses you all. I would never leave you.
Pawpaw loves his grandsons. Pawpaw loves Connor, Bryson, and Archer. (I also love my bonus grandson Mike.)
This is a video I recorded while driving home from a modeling gig. I've been having trouble breathing for several months meaning I haven't been able to exercise. Also, the medications make my face swell a bit. I look heavier than I am but breathing is more important than looking thinner.
I hope you enjoy this message. If I'm still alive when you find this, please look for me and contact me. I didn't leave you. I have never stopped loving you.
I know that this message is already 12 days late. It's not because I forgot. It's not because I don't love you, Connor. It's because I really miss you and thinking that I've missed another year with you and breaks my heart. On happier note, I wanted to sing Happy Birthday to you. Pawpaw loves you now and forever.
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 109 - May 2026
I cannot believe that it is nearly the end of May, 2026. This year has flown by. I did manage a 4 day visit to Ohio to visit my brother (your Uncle Skip) in January. He and his wife Barb are beautiful people. I wish you had known them.
This year has been very hard on my husband Tom. He was in terrible pain in January when I returned from Ohio. I took him to the hospital and they discovered he'd fractured his left hip all the way across. Then the fracture came apart and the hip was in two pieces 1 inch apart. He had to be transferred to another hospital where there was a Trauma Surgeon that could screw the hip back together, Tom spent over a month in the hospital and a rehab facility.
About two weeks after he got home, the screws all broke and his hip came apart again. The surgeon took the broken screws out, installed three new 6 inch screws and a plate to hold Tom's hip together. Then Tom spent another month in the hospital and the rehab facility.
It's the end of May and he's barely able to use a walker and walk to the end of our driveway and back.
Do you guys remember him? He was there for your births, Connor and Bryson. He rented your Mom her first home on her own when your Dad was in college. He held you in his arms many times as babies. Your parents would leave you with us when they went away on vacations. We loved every moment with you.
I love you and miss you all very much. I hope that you find these messages online and contact me when you are over the age of 18. I would love to see you again.
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 107 - My Home Is The Sky
I’ve felt different for most of my life. Even as a kiddo, I viewed things in a different way than my schoolmates. “My Home Is The Sky” has gone through several iterations as I tried to find the right words to convey my feeling that if I held on to my hopes and dreams, someday this little caterpillar would soar high like a butterfly.
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 105 - Happy 5th Birthday Archer!
August 8! Happy BELATED Birthday, Kiddo!
Pawpaw loves you. We have only met once. You were just a few months old. I held you in my arms for an hour or so. I hope you find these messages while I am still alive and contact me.
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 98 - FOR DAYS LONG AGO video and song
Pawpaw will always love his buddy-pals Connor, Bryson and Archer!
I think of you every single day. I often lay in bed at night missing you, your laughter, your smiles, your hugs.
Here's my latest music creation. I re-imagined the 1788 poem / song Auld Lang Syne. It's originally Scottish and uses words that are not understood today so I interpreted the words into ones we normally use in our time. It is a beautiful melody and the lyrics are about old friends remembering the good old days together.
For Days Long Ago
We two have run about the hills
And picked the daisies fine oh
We've wandered many a weary mile
Since the days long ago
And you'll have your pint tankard dear
I'll surely have mine oh
We'll drink a cup to kind mem’ries dear
For days long ago
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
And here's my hand, my trusty friend,
And give me your hand oh
We will take a good-will drink my friend
For the days of long ago
Old friends should never be forgotten
Should be remembered oh
Old friends should never be forgotten
For days long ago
For days long ago, my dear
For days long ago
We'll drink a cup to kind mem’ries dear
For days long ago
Inspired by Auld Lang Syne 1788
Reimagined by Steven Skelley 2025
Pawpaw loves and misses you all. If I am still alive when you are old enough to find these messages, please reach out to me. I will never stop loving you. My heart remains broken that politics and religion drove a wedge between your parents and me and my husband.
These lyrics speak to my heart about the years that I have lost with you my beloved grandsons:
We two have run about the hills
And picked the daisies fine oh
We've wandered many a weary mile
Since the days long ago
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 95 - Know Good
Pawpaw loves Connor, Bryson and Archer! Now and forever!
Good morning, guys. I wonder where you are and what you are doing. I do this every single day. I miss you more than I can put into words.
I hope you stumble across this blog and read these messages. I love you.
Today, I'm sharing with you a song that I composed when I was a Christian singer songwriter sometime in the late 1980s or early 1990s. Your Mom used to play with her Barbie dolls while I played my guitar and wrote songs.
This song is titled KNOW GOOD. It is based on the Bible passages
* Matthew 25:31-46
* Luke 10:25-37
* James 4:17
Basically, what all these passages say is that it is no good just to know good if you are not going to do it.
Know Good
By Steven Skelley
Jesus told about a man who went walking down a road
That man was beaten, robbed and stripped left bleeding
nude and cold
Oh that's no good
No that's no good
Then along came religious men
you'd have thought that they would help
Don't you know that they just walked on by
only thinking of themselves
Oh that's no good
No that's no good
It's no good just to know good
if you're not going to do it oh no
It's no good just to know good
you've got to put some action to it
It's no good just to know good
It's no good just to know good
Jesus said that we will stand
when we've finished our lives' roads
God will separate every woman and man
like separating sheep from goats
Oh that's no good
No that's no good
Jesus tells the women and men
separated as the goats
Your faith was worthless helping no one
As far as heaven you've missed the boat
Oh that's no good
No that's no good
It's no good just to know good if you're not going to do
it oh no
It's no good just to know good you've got to put some
action to it
It's no good just to know good. It's no good just to know
good
Copyright 2024 Steven Skelley
I hope that by now you know that I did not leave you. We loved each other from the days you were born. My husband Tom and I were banned from your lives after your parents adopted a new religion and political view. I have tried repeatedly to reach your Mon and Dad but they will not return my messages. Please know that Pawpaw didn't abandon you. My heart is broken and I think about you every day. If I'm not still alive when you stumble across these messages, please know that you were loved.
I miss you all.
I am posting my song CHRISTMAS LOVE ROCK. Last year, I recorded a Country version with banjo. This version is strictly honky tonk rock and roll.
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 91 - Traveling to the Canadian Rockies
Pawpaw loves Connor, Bryson and Archer!
It is Fall of 2024. Our friend Curt (he and his partner Frank used to let you guys swim in their pool and they always bought you Christmas and birthday presents) has always wanted to visit the Canadian Rocky Mountains. As Tom and I looked at videos and photos of them, we decided that we wanted to see them too. So, I mad plans for a ten day trip from Florida to Banff, Alberta, Canada.
I booked us a hotel in Banff Town where we could walk to everything. We had one of the best vacations ever. The glacier-made Rocky Mountains are huge and surround this little town. The snow and ice from the mountains creates rivers and lakes that have beautiful turquoise water.
We visited Lake Louise, Moraine Lake, and the Johnston Canyon waterfalls. We rode a gondola 7500 feet to the top of a mountain.
Tom took a photo of me holding an elk antler. A huge elk walked down the road beside our vehicle. At another place, a herd of mountain goats blocked the road. One day we came out of our hotel and three deer walked past us and crossed the street right in front of us.
Banff is a beautiful place. I wish you could have been there with us. I miss you guys.
I will love you forever,
Pawpaw
(Please remember - I did not abandon you. I would never leave you willingly. When your parents became attached to their new religion and became extremely political, they disowned Tom and me. We were no longer welcome to visit, call, text or even send birthday and Christmas gifts.)
PAWPAW'S DIARY: MESSAGES TO MY GRANDSONS 90 - HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY BRYSON
Happy 9th Birthday Bryson! I am so proud of you and always will be. I cannot put into words how happy it makes me to be your Pawpaw. I miss you and will love you forever.
Someday when you are 18 years old or older, I hope that you will search for me. I have never stopped loving you even if I am not allowed to see you.
